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23 November 2011 @ 09:05 pm
 
I'm avoiding studying. It makes me so mad that our professors assigned a test two weeks after our last one and more importantly the Monday after Thanksgiving when it is the last day the course. There is another 3 days that our class could meet before the end of semester final days of the University. I just can't concentrate. I worked 3 12 hour shifts this weekend, and now I'm supposed to study my brain off? I just couldn't do it today. I tried my best and fell asleep. I'm hoping to find some sort of motivation here in the next day or two.

Besides that stressful stuff, my parents well my mother to be more specific our relationship has fallen apart. I think I'm holding onto a lot of resentment towards her. I feel like she only wants a relationship with me if it is her way. I'm not sure of how to explain it. My parents won't suspend their acceptance and love for me for what I really want to do. I feel like they only look at the things I'm not doing instead of the ones that I am. Shaine and I have been talking about possibly moving together once we graduate. I don't want to work at the main hospital in Clarksville, Nashville has a lot of big magnet hospitals that I would want to try out. Shaine has been looking at an opportunity in Knoxville for a teaching position that would include a free tuition ride for his doctorate at UT Knox. I've already told him that where ever he goes I will follow. That sounds almost submissive, but it's not. I am in this life with him as my partner and I wouldn't want to be apart from him. Well okay so where my mother/parents come in, they do not want me to move in with Shaine. If him and I are both relocating to a city where we will know no one and are trying to save money for our wedding, does it make much sense to live separately? No it doesn't. My parents argument is that I should go ahead and get married. No. No. No. I want a wedding, Its my life and I want a wedding. Have always, will always. Shaine and I have no money for a wedding right now. No money for one. I'm just ugh. Frustrated. Shaine and I's relationship is growing and blooming as nature will have it be. I feel pulled to him, and him to I, so this whole play like we've only been dating for a short time and live apart is just crap to me. Its super crap. I just no no no. My mom even said today that if Shaine and I did that, my father probably won't come to my wedding....... sick. Srsly, I'm about to tear up.

I understand, its makes some sense, but they'll never be able to let it go. Nothings gonna change my world.
 
 
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
 
 
 
serenidad: paradiseserenidad on November 24th, 2011 07:08 am (UTC)
Hey, you. I can kind of understand the parents issue. Me and my boy have been ready to take the next step forward towards marriage, but unfortunately Indian/Muslim culture says that the girl's parents need to be in agreement. Mine, unfortunately, were not open to the idea because he's half-white, and his mom isn't Muslim (but his father is, along with him and the rest of his siblings.) They met his family back in April and were completely against the idea. For the last six months, I've been fighting with them (fighting in the sense that, every so often I'd bring up the topic in a mature fashion, and try to explain why their reasons for saying no were superficial and unjustified. Not throwing tantrums and saying "LET ME MARRY HIM!") Well, after months of persistence.. I finally got them to agree to meet his family again, and this time they went in with an open mind, and now we have their blessing. And we're all really happy and excited, including my parents. My point is this: parents are always uncomfortable with things, especially if you choose to go about them in a way they think is "wrong." If you and Shaine are really serious about this, just keep doing what you're doing right now. Be open with your parents and explain to them WHY you guys want to do what you have planned. I know it's hard, but the key is to keep calm and be mature. Try not to let it escalate into yelling and arguing, because if you do that, whatever points you're trying to make are gonna fall on deaf ears. In the end, your parents just want what's best for you and they want to see you happy. It make take a while, but if you show them that you are an adult and are capable of making informed decisions. As hard as it is, just continue to try and be open with your mom and have calm discussions with her. In the end, hopefully it'll all work out. <3

Sorry for the super long comment. I miss you, girl!